Saturday, June 1, 2013

A family of 4.

hank-54

This picture was taken when Hank was about a week and a half old. We were still finding our footing.

He looks more like this now:

Untitled

I feel like life is finally getting to a more pleasant place. For a long time I felt stuck. Stuck to the couch, stuck under a baby, stuck with a crazy 2 year old, stuck in this time. And even though I knew from the first time around that the beginning months and weeks feel like an eternity, but actually do come to an end, my brain did not allow me to process this. I felt like life would never be the same (well it won't, I suppose). I felt like I'd never get to come up for air. I was angry about everything. Ever hear of post partum anger? It's real, and it's intense. I didn't feel angry about Hank, and didn't feel angry towards my husband, but I felt angry about this sweet face:

Untitled

I still feel intensely guilty about it, but I know it's just a thing that happened, I realized it was happening, and I'm getting better. Virginia wasn't doing anything TO me, she was just being TWO. When I thought that sentence for the first time, everything turned around. I wasn't instantly all sugar roses, but it made dealing with situations a little easier. 

We still have good days and bad days, but I can handle the bad days better now.

I'm doing things again. I've: 
planted radishes and spinach;
baked a lot of bread
made homemade strawberry jam, and canned it for the first time (berries from our garden!);
I've taken a "scary" 2.5 hour trip solo with my babies to visit my family, and survived;
I've started taking orders in my shop, and accepted a few portrait and illustration assignments.

When I think about going out to paint the garage door, or having to make a call to figure out why we STILL haven't received Hank's birth certificate, I no longer feel like crying! I feel like I can DO it! 

So here's to getting back into the swing of things.

Oh, and I'm taking this online illustration class.  I think you can still join up, if you want to take it with me!

1 comment:

Little White Paw said...

Hi mama, As you well know, I can very much relate. An infant and a toddler are a lot to handle all at once. I'm still very much in the adjustment period. There's definitely been a lot of frustration/anger and tears shed by all. I try to remind myself that my two year old is going through a huge adjustment, just as we are. I also get very frustrated about lack of time to do much of anything... and when i do have a second, it's to shower or clean up a mess or make food. I know gradually I will have more time for creative things, but right now there is a lot that feels impossible. Anyways, just wanted to commiserate. My friends with older babies and toddlers keep reminding me it will get more manageable.