Saturday, June 1, 2013

A family of 4.

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This picture was taken when Hank was about a week and a half old. We were still finding our footing.

He looks more like this now:

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I feel like life is finally getting to a more pleasant place. For a long time I felt stuck. Stuck to the couch, stuck under a baby, stuck with a crazy 2 year old, stuck in this time. And even though I knew from the first time around that the beginning months and weeks feel like an eternity, but actually do come to an end, my brain did not allow me to process this. I felt like life would never be the same (well it won't, I suppose). I felt like I'd never get to come up for air. I was angry about everything. Ever hear of post partum anger? It's real, and it's intense. I didn't feel angry about Hank, and didn't feel angry towards my husband, but I felt angry about this sweet face:

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I still feel intensely guilty about it, but I know it's just a thing that happened, I realized it was happening, and I'm getting better. Virginia wasn't doing anything TO me, she was just being TWO. When I thought that sentence for the first time, everything turned around. I wasn't instantly all sugar roses, but it made dealing with situations a little easier. 

We still have good days and bad days, but I can handle the bad days better now.

I'm doing things again. I've: 
planted radishes and spinach;
baked a lot of bread
made homemade strawberry jam, and canned it for the first time (berries from our garden!);
I've taken a "scary" 2.5 hour trip solo with my babies to visit my family, and survived;
I've started taking orders in my shop, and accepted a few portrait and illustration assignments.

When I think about going out to paint the garage door, or having to make a call to figure out why we STILL haven't received Hank's birth certificate, I no longer feel like crying! I feel like I can DO it! 

So here's to getting back into the swing of things.

Oh, and I'm taking this online illustration class.  I think you can still join up, if you want to take it with me!

Friday, March 22, 2013

The new baby is here!

Oh man, blog land! Here I am once again!

For the last week and a half I have been busy with this:

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Luckily Mr. Hank is (so far) a pretty laid back baby. He spends his days and nights sleeping and eating. His sister loves him already but her jealousy is peeking through from time to time (for example, she yelled at him for using *her* changing table yesterday).

He was born at home. Many people keep telling me that I am brave for having my baby at home, but I don't really feel like the decision makes me braver than any other mother. We thought having him at home was the best decision for our family. I'd already had one complication-free birth (at a free-standing birth center), I suspected that a subsequent birth would happen very quickly (the first was only 8 hours start to finish), I knew it would be the most comfortable place for me to labor on my own terms, and that our little boy would not be subjected to unwanted germs or hospital procedures. I wouldn't recommend it for everyone, but it was an amazing experience for us. And of course, every mother is brave, who goes into this unknown territory of creating a new person. You don't know the outcome for you, or the baby, not to mention the fact that you are responsible for this little person for the rest of your lives! That's the *real* scary part.

And I should mention I was right about him arriving fast. 3 hours in we decided to tell the midwife to make her way to our house. Her apprentice made it here about 10 minutes before he was born, and our midwife was 2 minutes late! A grand total of 4 hours. Whew!

We're trying to spend a lot of quiet time together getting acquainted.

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Something that I didn't expect about having a second baby is that although he is super awesome, and I love him a whole lot already, it's sort of a strange feeling because he's not Virginia. I don't know who this little person is yet. I do feel my love growing, though. There is enough for everyone!

In the small flickers of time I now have, I'm still readying myself for my upcoming gallery show in May.

Im finding very small bits of time to work. Gallery show May 3rd!

I tried to have all my work wrapped up before Hank came, but he was 11 days early (we weren't really surprised by that, honestly). So now I am going to be finishing up my loose ends whenever I can.

I'm still on sabbatical  from my regular illustration work (including portraits), but if you have any projects you'd like to discuss with me that you don't need till sometime in the summer, please don't hesitate to contact me! I will be slowly getting back into the groove over the next few months. Thanks everyone!